i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
