trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
