Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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