this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We have so much sex to catch up on
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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