You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
