i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
