I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
