we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
