It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
