Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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