so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My dick has a subreddit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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