Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
