Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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