I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
