Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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