I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
