You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
