Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
