at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
