I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
