im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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