You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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