It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
