so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
