And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
