i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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