Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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