not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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