I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
