Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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