I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
