I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
