I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
