Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
