I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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