my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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