Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
