I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
