He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
