Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
