im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
