hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
