Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
