somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
