he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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