Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
