I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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