I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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