i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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