1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
