I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
