Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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