my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
